


I'm tired of this place I hope people change.

by stydiastydia



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Character Study, F/M, Lydia-centric, but lots of stydia too, i love lydia martin so much, mention of others characters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-24
Updated: 2016-10-24
Packaged: 2018-08-24 11:19:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8370220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stydiastydia/pseuds/stydiastydia
Summary: Beacon Hills and its ability to make Lydia Martin feel lonely.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Notes (1): We're so close to 6x01???? how this happened???? This hiatus is hell but at least we're gonna see our otp in a few weeks.   
> Notes (2): The title is from the song "Fools" by Troye Sivan.  
> Notes (3): This is different from my other fics but i hope you like it.  
> Notes (4): I dead ass miss stydia.

_How it is so easy for you_

_To be kind to people_ he asked

Milk and honey dripped

From my lips as I answered

_Cause people have not_

_Been kind to me_

Rupi Kaur

 

_*_

Lydia does not remember the first time she had the desire to leave Beacon Hills. Maybe it was when she was seven or eight, or even earlier, she doesn’t remember the age but she clearly remembers the feeling. She spent too much time thinking about it: when she will do it, how’s going to be like, what’s going to be the feeling of finally leaving this place, if it will be worthy like she always thought it would be. She always enjoyed to plan things, make lists, pro and cons and check the facts. Sometimes planning something is actually better than actually doing it.

(But not _this._

This is going to be great.

This has to be great _._ )

Like the time when she was nine and her parents let her plan one of their trips to Chicago. She was so happy with this responsibility, she planned it for weeks, she had plan A, plan B, plan C and the entire alphabet full of plans for all the five days they stayed there.

But as much as she hates to admit, plans are not a guarantee.

Sometimes they work.

Sometimes they don’t.

This time it didn’t work; The trip  was horrible, her parents fought all the time. So, instead of visiting the aquarium at 3pm on Wednesday like she had planned, she had to sit on her hotel room and read all the plans she made for this trip. Somehow, it made her heart warm despite the cold situation she found herself.

Leaving Beacon Hills is going to be different, she knows it. The planning is good but actually leaving this town is going to be amazing.

It is a nice town to live, deep down she knows it, but it does not mean this feeling ever went away. This is her priority. It’s one of those things she thinks she was born with because she doesn’t remember a time in her life where she didn’t feel this way. Just like she doesn’t remember when she wasn’t good at math or when she wasn’t good at biology, or when she wasn’t curious about space.

By now, she is so used to these things that they become a part of who she is. It’s the details and all the experiences she had that made the person she is today.

Lydia Martin is smart.

Lydia Martin is a banshee.

Lydia Martin is beautiful.

And she’s lonely.

 

*

 

Now she fights bad guys and saves her friends but when she was younger she used to be more fearless than she is today.

When she was eleven she heard a girl named Ann make a comment about her when she was answering the question the teacher had asked the class. She knew it, obviously, so she raised her hands and answered it without reading her notes. She was too busy listening to the teacher telling her that she was right to fully hear what Ann was saying but she had a clue, it wasn’t cool to be smart anymore. And it was bad because five more students were laughing in a mean way, the same kids who were supposed to be her friends. When she turned around to face them, she could see that this kid with a weird name was stating at them with an angry face. It’s strange because it’s not like they are friends, they know each other since kindergarten and talked many times though the years but they are not friends. He could be a good friend so she smiled quickly but she doesn’t know if he noticed.

When she arrived home that afternoon, she decided that she was in fact going to run away. For the first time in her life, she was not going to plan it. No more day dreaming about it. “This isn’t about what happened today”, she said, alone in her bedroom, choosing a few clothes and one book and putting it all in her pack back.

And, truly, it wasn’t.

It was about everything and nothing, she wasn’t so sure, well, she skipped the planning part.

She closed her back back and went to the stairs, trying to be as quite as possible even knowing that no one was at home.

“Honey, what are you doing?”

She felt her heartbeat going crazy when she heard her mother’s voice. “Just going to do my homework by the pool. Why are you already here?” She asked playing it cool like she wasn’t doing anything wrong.

“I wasn’t feeling so well so I decided to come home earlier.”

“But you’re okay?”

“Yeah, just need to rest. Can you do me a favor, sweetie?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m going to bed. Can you wake me up before dinner time, please? I hate the alarm so it would probably make me feel worse.”

“Yeah, sure.”

“Thanks, honey.” She kissed Lydia’s forehead and went to her room.

She can’t run away anymore, her mother needs her so she’s going to stay in this hellish town. She went back to her room and started unpacking and putting everything in it’s right place. She turned on the tv and an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer was playing. She had already watched that episode so instead of paying attention to the dialogues, she only focused on the character’s body movements and expressions, searching for any clue that they are dying to leave that place. Sunnydale is toxic; they must want to leave it, Buffy clearly wants to leave. They are not saying it aloud but it must be visible somewhere so she kept watching until dinnertime.

She decided that night, just before falling asleep, that Beacon Hills is also toxic and she could not wait to be smart somewhere else.

 

*

 

Dreams where she cannot scream scare the shit out of her and she does not know why. She tries and tries and no sound comes from her mouth. She feels like she’s awake so she tries really hard to say something, to scream, to run but always fails. It’s sleep paralysis, she looked it up during her history class, her body and her brain aren’t at the same page during her sleep.

It’s never the same dream but it is always the same feeling. It’s been happening for the past two months now. The first dream was almost a normal dream, she was at a holler coast with her friends but then when she opened her mouth to scream there was no sound, just her throat burning.

The last one she was trapped inside a maze, surprising, it was not as scary as it sounds. It was like a puzzle, a math puzzle. She had to solve some equations and if they were correct, some magic lights would guide her to the next problem. It was a good challenge. On the last one she that to answer it aloud but once again her voice failed.

She told her friends about those dreams at a sleepover one night, half of the girls thought those dreams were really cool dreams and the other half were scared but they didn’t stay on this subject for long.

Two days later Lydia received call from her mother when she was at school.

Her grandmother had passed away.

The dreams stopped.

The feeling of her throat burning didn’t.

 

*

 

In the summer before high school started Lydia went to Europe. Three entire weeks away from Beacon Hills was the best way to end her vacations.

She went to museums, tourist places and art galleries and fell in love with everything.

There are many amazing things in the world and none of them can be found in Beacon Hills.

There were some Americans teenagers in the hotel she was staying in Rome and they would meet every night to talk, drink, and to get away from their parents. 

On the sixth day of being there this boy from San Francisco kissed her and she didn’t know what to say so she began to explain how the human body reacts to a kiss; He shut her up by telling her that she’s really pretty.

_This should be a good thing, right?_

Maybe he didn’t meant it to sound that way but there’s something about the way he said those words, it felt like he was telling her she’s just pretty.

She does not want to be _just_ pretty.

There are too many adjectives to define her and yes, pretty is one of them but it’s not the only one.

It’s not the only one that matters.

Lydia realized that while “pretty” is something people can see, her intelligence does not have to be seem by everyone simply because people wouldn’t understand how important this is to her.

They would not even try.

So, when she comes back to Beacon Hills no one will know that she’s smarter than almost everyone else, they don’t need to know.

It can be her little secret that she won’t tell anyone, she always have been her best friend, anyways.

 

*

 

Lydia starts dating Jackson.

Jackson starts acting like an asshole.

Lydia ignores it.

Jackson does not understand her.

Lydia makes an effort for him to understand her.

Jackson does not care about understanding her.

Lydia ignores it.

Jackson does not give her the attention she deserves.

Lydia ignores it.

Jackson seems to care more about lacrosse and popularity more than he cares about her.

It hurts but Lydia ignores it.  

Jackson starts being an asshole.

Lydia ignores it.

 

*

 

Occasionally, Lydia throws some of the best parties Beacon Hills has ever seen. Danny does too and they always joke about turning it into a competition.

(They never do.

He thinks it would be stupid, something kids in middle school would do.

She shares the same opinion but she also thinks it could destroy one of the few real friendships she has.

He’s a good friend, she doesn’t want to lose that.)

However, while Lydia’s parties are great for her guests, by the end of the night she’s usually stressed about people destroying the lake house.

Jackson disappeared somewhere like always and it’s not like he would help her keep everything organized, anyways.

She spent most of the night talking to Danny like she usually does but now he’s flirting with a senior so she just wanders around her house, looking at the familiar and the not so familiar faces.

She went to the bathroom and found many things written in the wall, her mother is going to kill her if she doesn’t clean this up. It’s mostly gossips as if they still were in middle school but someone wrote a quote that as much as she tried not to think about it, she spends the rest of the night thinking about it.

_“I’m not used to being loved, I wouldn’t know what to do.”_

*

 

 

“And you are my new best friend.” She said, using her high pinched voice.

(Later Allison would find out that Lydia uses it when she wants to be in control of the situation.

She finds out more things too.

More than Lydia thought she would.)

They exchange numbers but she does not really get her hopes up. It’s not like someone would become her best friend just like that.

But she does.

Allison becomes the first real best friend Lydia ever had and nothing compares to their friendship.

When Lydia felt insecure about anything, she would tell Allison. She never thought she would be the kind of person who shares this much. She told things Jackson said to her, as if his words were not hurting her that much but at least she shared with someone.

Allison gave her a hug and said: “You know you deserve better.”

Lydia smiled and continued hugging her best friend, deep down she knows Allison is right, she just does not know how to say it aloud yet.

Once again, she was trapped inside the maze.

 

 

*

 

Allison went to France.

A week later Jackson left for good.

No phone calls after he landed. It was like that part of her life didn’t exist anymore. But Lydia was more worried about her best friend not coming back. After everything Allison went through Lydia would not be surprised if her friend decided to stay there. And she wouldn’t blame her either, as soon as Lydia has the opportunity to leave Beacon Hills she’s gonna grab it with both hands and never come back.

(It would hurt like hell if Allison never came back. More than she ever imagined and that’s why during one of their skype calls Lydia decided to ask.

“Anyways, when you’re coming back?”

“Hum, not sure yet. Dad won’t tell me anything.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I asked it last week and he told me to just enjoy the moment.” Allison rolled her eyes and Lydia did the same right after.

“Are you?”

“Enjoying the moment?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, considering everything I could say I’m enjoying it, but honestly, I can’t wait to come back.”

“You actually prefer Beacon Hills over France? That’s disappointing, Allison, really disappointing.”

Allison laughed and nodded.

“Did Scott texted you?”

“Nope.”

“Wow, I didn’t think he would not text you for this long.”

“I think he’s trying to give me space.”

“But you want this huge space?”

“I’m still thinking about it.”

“Do you like this space?”

“Hum, no.”

“So, definitely, you’re coming back, right?”

“Right.”

“Promise?”

“I promise.”

Lydia didn’t fully believed it but it was nice to hear.)

She was watching an old episode of Gilmore Girls when Stiles texted her.

From: Stiles Stilinski

_Are you ready to find out more things about the supernatural?_

She considered it for a moment.

To: Stiles Stilinski

_You mean more than the 2% you guys explained to me?_

From: Stiles Stilinski

_That’s a good percentage since I only know like 3%._

To: Stiles Stilinski

_Stiles._

From: Stiles Stilinski

_Yeah, sorry, I just thought you needed more time._

From: Stiles Stilinski

_After what happened._

To: Stiles Stilinski

_Okay._

From: Stiles Stilinski

_Okay?_

To: Stiles Stilinski

_Yes, Stiles, I want to learn more about the supernatural._

From: Stiles Stilinski

 _Great. Meet me in the library an hour from now_.

When they arrive at the library they start looking for mythological books, then he tells her the 1% he knows and she did not know yet and they start looking for clues together.

Somehow, this becomes weekly then they start doing it every other day and when he’s paying attention to her theories she doesn’t feel so lonely anymore.

 

*

 

She opened her eyes and the sky was baby blue. From the old red seat of the bus, she couldn’t see a single cloud. It looked like the world was paused.

And oh, how much she enjoys this.

How much she enjoys the silence.

It made her think about how much she missed it.

There was a time in Lydia’s life that silence was her closest friend. When she was younger, she would lock herself in her bedroom to ignore the sound of her parents fighting. She used to take an old math book from her father with her and she would solve crazy equations at the age of ten.

Numbers don’t yell at each other and there’s no way you can misunderstand it.

Numbers are safe. People are risky.

Inside, the bus was in completely silence too, except for her friends’ breath next to her. Turns out, sleeping in a school bus was kinda peaceful, considering the last twenty-four hours they had.

(Or maybe she was too tired that she slept without even realizing it. Maybe it’s both.)

She turned her head to the side to find out that Stiles was already awake and was doing the same thing she was a few seconds ago, looking at the sky.

She wondered if it was possible to see any clouds from where he was sitting.

She also wondered for how long he had been awake. Or if he slept at all.

And what could have happened if things played out differently last night.

Lydia decided, in that moment, that the four of them should always stay together. When the four of them were together, she did not feel lonely at all. She never had friends like them and honestly, she did not want new ones. It would be the four of them through high school, college and whatever comes next. Lydia, Allison, Scott and Stiles against the world.

He caught her looking at him.

_Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit._

Stiles pointed to the bus door and they went outside in completely silence. They sat there on a small hill where they could see the motel. It was not scary at all on the day light.

There was too much she wanted to say but she was not ready yet. So, instead, she placed her head on his shoulders and they stayed like that until Allison and Scott woke up.

And oh, how much she loved _this_ silence.

 

*

 

Unlike the first boy she ever kissed, Stiles called her smart.

From the many adjectives he could have used, he chose her favorite one.

It’s silly how much a five letter word can mean so much to her, and later, she realizes Stiles can see not only her exterior but her interior too.

 

*

 

Lydia felt lonely many times before, but nothing compares to seeing her best friends underwater, not knowing if they will actually come back.

It’s the loneliest sixteen hours of Lydia’s life.

 

*

 

Once she found out she’s a banshee the dreams she had when she was younger started to make sense.

 

*

 

When the Nogitsune possessed Stiles she tried to remember those dreams every time she wanted to scream.

She could not scream.

If she screamed, it would mean that he was going to die.

She could not lose him.

So, she felt her throat burning and didn’t open her mouth.

 

*

 

She woke up one day and realized her best friend was not in this world anymore. It would not be the four of them together anymore.

Nothing would be the same anymore.

 

*

 

Lydia was sitting by the pool of Danny’s house during his famous New Year’s Eve party. Well, any party he ever planned was famous in Beacon Hills. But this one is supposed to be the best of the best only because it’s New Year and everything is supposed to get better and everyone’s life will magically change when the clock strikes midnight.

_As if._

“What’s your wish?”

“Fuck. Stiles.”

If the situation was different from this, she is pretty sure he would smirk and ask her if that’s her wish but sex jokes are a dangerous territory for them.

“You scared me!” She says as he sits beside her, taking off his shoes and socks and dipping in feet in the cold water.

 “You didn’t answer me, what’s your wish?” Stiles asks again.

She narrows her eyes, “You seriously think all of our wishes are going to come true just because the earth managed to circle all the way around the sun?”

“Well, when you put it in that way it’s actually a fucking big deal, isn’t it? Congrats, earth.”

“Congrats, earth.” She repeats, playing with her feet inside the pool only to avoid his eyes, she knows if she looked at him she would blush because of his stupid comment. 

“And it’s not all of our wishes, by the way, some cultures believe it’s three wishes and others believe it’s only one. In other cultures, people believe that the person you spent New Year’s Eve with is the person who’s going to be there for you all year. Everything depends on your point of view.”

She stops herself from reading between the lines because Stiles is dating someone else and that makes him a blank page; No hidden messages, no codes for her to figure out.

But the truth is, he still is a book to her, a book she desperately wants to spend all night reading.

Memorizing all the words.

Memorizing the way his skin feels next to hers.

Memorizing the color of his eyes when the sun invades the room.

Memorizing the way he looks at her.

Memorizing the way he says her name.

“What do you believe, Stiles?” She asks, this time looking into his eyes.

“That it’s good to believe in something, it doesn’t matter if it’s New Year’s superstition or werewolves.”

“I believe in werewolves.”

“Me too. And I also believe in banshees.” He winks and then drinks his beer.

“TEN.” Danny shouted from the other end of the pool followed by a drunken “NINE” from Kira.

“Do you want to go back there?” She asks, not sure if she’s ready to hear the answer.

“Nah, I’m fine. You?”

Oh thank god, the answer she wanted.

“EIGHT.” From Scott.

“Me too.”

Their friends continued the countdown from the other side of the pool, they were close but at that moment, it felt like it was just Stiles and Lydia in their own world.

SEVEN.

SIX.

She enjoys this feeling.

FIVE.

FOUR.

More than she ever told him.

THREE.

TWO.

Or anyone else.

ONE.

As the clock strikes midnight, she believes that the person you’re with during New Year’s Eve is going to be the person who’s going to be there for you all year more than she believes in werewolves.

 

*

 

Friday nights are usually movie nights.

They end up always watching a horror movie because after everything they went though none of those fake movies is scary anymore. Well, nothing is as scary as their own lives. It’s quite funny actually, seeing monsters and killers that does not exist while they see the ones that do exist every time they close their eyes. No one talks about it frequently but it’s there and Lydia has a feeling that they aren’t going to disappear anytime soon. So, they act like those monsters don’t exist when they have the opportunity to.

She would suggest a romantic comedy since while looking at Netflix’s catalogue of horror movies it seems like they have watched everything, but those movies do not belong here.

It belongs at her sleepovers with Allison where they talked during the entire movie and afterwards called Scott and Stiles because they were bored and wanted some pizza.

Romantic comedies belongs to what it feels like another life, so she says “yes” when Stiles asks her if she wants to watch some movie she already saw twice.

Fifteen minutes into the movie and Lydia realizes that Liam is not there, now she remembers that he has a date or a study group or something between those two. If he’s not there it means he won’t be saying stupid things to Scott during the movie and that means Scott will be with Kira the entire time and that means Stiles will be with Malia.

Suddenly she had he urge to leave the room.

Stiles noticed when she went to the bathroom and the others were paying attention on the stupid movie but that wasn’t enough. Now, nothing was enough.

She grabbed her phone and began to text.

To: Isaac Lahey.

_I miss her._

Despite being almost four in the morning in France, he replies it right away.

From: Isaac Lahey.

_I know._

From: Isaac Lahey.

_I miss her too._

She came back to the living room feeling the same as she did before but as awful as it might sound she was glad she’s not the only lonely person in the world.

 

 

*

 

Months later, when senior year begins she sees her best friends’ initials in the library she is so familiar with.

“She would have been with us.”

“She still is.”

She doesn’t know if thinking about it makes her feel more or less lonely.

 

 

*

 

 

“You okay?”

“After everything I’ve been through…I just can’t believe this keeps happening.” Lydia lets the words come out of her mouth too harsh, like they have been locked inside for too long. She continues looking at the book, eyes still not meeting his gaze, knowing too well that he is looking at her.

They are in a weird place in their relationship right now. Weird but good. Definitely it’s way better than the place they were when senior year started. It would feel exactly like the beginning of their friendship if it wasn’t for the fact that there’s too much history between them now. Too many near death experiences, too many lost, too many feelings involved. They can never go back.

They were on the top floor of the library, which was empty since almost no one ever go there at night.

It made her remember those afternoons when they were starting to become real friends, searching for clues in every single book they could find.

The pack had just left, leaving Stiles and Lydia by themselves. They had a pack meeting where Deaton told them about an old acquaintance, who was around Beacon Hills, that they should be ready because he was bad news and the usual pack meeting stuff.

So, as usual, Scott, Liam and Mila went to the woods to try to catch any scent while Lydia and Stiles stayed in the library to search for clues in the mythology books, like they always did.

“Lydia, you can’t do this to yourself.”

“I should’ve known what this means by now.”

“Look, maybe you do and you just don’t know how to explain it yet. The same thing happened with Barrow and you were right, remember?”

Of course she does.

How can she ever forget?

Lying barefoot in his bed while he made her feel better about herself, about her powers. She remembers not knowing what to say when he helped her to untangle her fingers from the red string. She remembers feeling more than she was ready to feel. She remembers being in love.

“Let’s just keep looking, okay? I don’t mind spending all night researching.”

 _Just to prove you’re not wrong_.

Once again, she catches herself not knowing what to say. Once again, she catches herself in love, but this time, she is ready.

 

 

*

 

“Remember… Remember I love you.”

Stiles said it in such a quite way that I did not feel like they were running out of time. It felt like they had all the time in the world. It was just the two of them and those three words in Stiles’ jeep, in their own world.

She’s been waiting for too long to hear him say those words and she’s been waiting for too long to say it back but the minute she opened her mouth to say “I love you too” he got taken by the guy in the horse.

So, she just stays in his jeep, holding on his memory, hoping she won’t forget him too. _Remember, remember, remember_ , she says it over and over again until she falls asleep.

 

 

*

 

 

Unlike being good (great) at math and biology and being curious about space, Lydia remembers the time in her life when she wasn’t friends with Scott Mccall. But just like those things, their friendship is a part of who she is now. She learned so much with the people around her, especially Scott. He is strong and kind and everything the pack looks up to.

He’s also one of her best friends.

Too bad he can’t remember his own best friend.

“How is it possible that we’re missing someone we don’t even know?”

“That’s the thing, Scott, you do know him.”

They are at Stiles’ room. Well, what would be Stiles’ room if people remembered him. She was able to convince the Sheriff to try to remember his son on this same place, so that’s what she’s doing with Scott.

“I really don’t remember anything, Lydia. I just know that I miss someone.”

“That’s a great start. Once you know someone is missing it will be easier to remember who is missing.”

“How you’re the only one who remembers?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know anything”, she stopped and took a deep breath, “and it makes de terrified that one day I will wake up and don’t remember anything like everyone else.”

He grabbed her hand, she thinks he was listening her heartbeat and that’s why he did it.

“We’ll find him and I’ll remember him, okay? I promise.”

“Okay.”

“But in the meantime, tell me why you love him so much.”

Lydia smiled and started telling Scott their story.

 

 

*

 

There are too many amazing things in the world and some of them can be found in Beacon Hills. They can also be found in Stanford, in New York, in Los Angeles or wherever her friends end up at. As she sees Stiles hugging Scott, she feels this amazing joy in her heart, these two idiots are some of the most important people in her life; They become a part of who she is.

They are all leaving for college, they are all saying goodbye (Well, she is not saying goodbye to everyone since she’s going to the same college as Stiles.) but not for long, she knows the pack will always be together, it does not really matter where they are.

Scott will be attending college some hours away from them so she’s already prepared for all the road trips in Stiles’ old jeep.

Malia and Kira are going to attend college in New York, but skype and phone calls exist for a reason.

The planning part is over, she’s finally leaving Beacon Hills and she’s happy about it but she’s also sad. It’s bittersweet in a way she doesn’t know how to explain. Despite the ups and downs, this place is her home, it’s where she got to know her best friends, where she discovered her powers, where she fell in love with the boy who had a crush on her since the third grade, who knows her better than anyone in the world, who is her best friend, her emotional tether.

Lydia gives this town one last look and thinks, _I hope these people never change_.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading this! I would love to read what you think about this fic so please leave comments!  
> You can find me at lydiamarkin on tumblr (let's talk about stydia!!!)


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